“C’mon, Richard!  There’s work to be done.”

–     Loren F. Stark, my grandfather, born today in 1901 

He’d have been 112 today.

He was my grandfather.  He was Mom’s dad, but he was my dad’s dad, too, in many ways.  Dad’s dad was — well, we’ll just say he was “no prince,” and leave it at that.  “Starky,” (as everyone knew him) would offer the admonishment above to Dad every day.  Every day.  About two hours earlier than Dad wanted to hear it.

You see, Dad raised beef cattle.  Not dairy cattle.  There were two reasons for that.  One, after having to milk cows twice a day until he was 18, he wasn’t a fan of the gig.  Two, beef cattle require that you feed them.  At some point in each day.  Not precisely at 5 AM and 5 PM every day.  Dad, you see, liked his mornings to begin a little later in the morning than Starky liked his mornings to begin.

But, every morning, at about 6:45 AM, the Oldsmobile would turn in to the driveway.  “C’mon, Richard!  There’s work to be done.”

It was how he was wired.  And, once the doctor’s told him he couldn’t help Dad on the farm anymore, he was gone within a few weeks.

He didn’t have a bully pulpit or a platform from which to speak (or blog).  He didn’t have much education, and his resume consisted of more sweat than equity.  He upset some people.  He was the epitome of the old Aaron Tippin country song, “You’ve got to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything.”  He was both bull-headed and bull-in-a-China-closet brusque.  He was fiercely loyal and intensely personal.  He loved to laugh, and to tease and to argue.

And, he made a difference.  For my dad.  For my mom and her sisters, and for all of us who descended from them.  He made a difference for my friends who knew him.  For cousins on the other side of the family tree.  He made a difference for me, and he still does today.  On the bookshelf in my office is Loren Stark’s old balpine hammer.  It’s a reminder for me to try to make a difference every day.

Happy Birthday, Grandpa.  You are missed.

“All those who need showers, take them.”

–    John McKay, then coach at USC, after his team lost 51-0 to Notre Dame

How often do we break a sweat?

Yes, technology is supposed to make our lives / jobs easier.  Yes, we’re supposed to be smarter than we were yesterday.  Yes, we have more information available to us than ever before and it’s just a quick shout to Siri away.

But, how often do we break a sweat?

As sick as it sounds, one of my favorite jobs — ever — was baling hay on the farm back in Iowa.  Hot, hard, dirty work, that’s what it was.  But there was this incredible sense of satisfaction at the end of the day, seeing the field picked clean, the fresh, green bales stacked in the barn and breathing in that sweet aroma of alfalfa that would sustain the herd through the winter.  At the end of the day, through all the sweat, we’d got — something — done.

At the end of the day, I could barely lift my arms or move my legs.  In every aspect of the word, I was tired.

It was a good tired.

Today, if we’re tired at the end of the day, it seems like too often it’s because we were working against ourselves, or running in circles.  Too often it’s because we were in back-to-back-to-back meetings that had no agenda or desired outcome.  Too often it’s because we’re reacting instead of responding — instead of taking meaningful action.

What if we picked two items from our “to-do” list — three tops — and broke a sweat over them and got — them — done.

That would be a good tired.  That would make a difference.

“I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life.  The problem is that I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want.”

–       Mark Twain

It sounds so simple.  “What do we want?”

And, it’d be easier if it didn’t change as we go through life.  There was a time that I wanted to be a fighter pilot.  I still intend to teach in a classroom someday, and helping coach Wyatt’s Little League team checked the “baseball coach” box again, at least for a while.  And, if I can retire someday, I still am willing to pay the University of Iowa to do football and basketball play-by-play on its network.

I wonder if we don’t over complicate it, though.  What if our wants don’t synch with our purpose?  What if we had to only pick one “want.”

Wow.  That’d be difficult.  I want to be a great dad.  I want to be a better partner and husband.  I want to be a good provider and difference-making leader.  I want to be a good example.  That’s a lot, but I am hopeful that there’s at least enough common thread there that Mark could teach me how to get it – or better yet that I can learn, regardless the teacher(s).

When it comes to finding our “true North,” it will be interesting, as individuals, just how well we can define what we want, and when we do, I wonder how simple it will be to learn how to get it…and what kind of difference it will allow us to make.

“A “No!” uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a “Yes” merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.”

–     Mahatma Gandhi

It really doesn’t take much to be convinced.  Being convinced often means surrendering, on some level, a conviction that ought not to be surrendered.

Not an absolute truth, but perhaps we ought to ask ourselves, are we allowing ourselves to be convinced for convenience.  To please someone who maybe shouldn’t matter as much as we’re empowering them to matter.  Perhaps we’re allowing ourselves to be convinced to avoid trouble.

And, perhaps, going through the trouble (rather than around it) might be the best way to prove, or disprove, our conviction.  Our assumptions might be our enemies, if difference making is our goal.  Or, said better,

“You must stick to your conviction, but be ready to abandon your assumptions.”

–     Denis Waitley

“Elite performers engage in ‘deliberate practice’ – an effortful activity designed to improve target performance.”

–     K. Anders Ericsson, Conradi Eminent Scholar / Professor of Psychology, Florida State University

And, Ericsson teaches us, it’s only when you’re alone that you can engage in deliberate practice.

Susan Cain, in her book, Quiet:  The Power of Introverts in A World That Can’t Stop Talking, sites Dr. Ericsson’s work as she systematically picks apart Groupthink and it’s negative influence on our work and our lives.

NOTE:  This is not a two-day diatribe against collaboration.  It is, however, a two-day diatribe against forced and repetitive “collaboration” at the expense of improvement and getting things done – at the expense of making a difference.  (There.  I feel better.  Thanks for letting me get that off my chest…)

Are we getting enough alone time to deliberately practice the skills that will set us apart.  To rehearse the difference-making “performances” we’ll be called upon to engage in?  Are we spending time in meetings at the expense of getting deep on a topic?  Are we putting so many cooks in the kitchen that we forget which meal it was we’re trying to prepare?

Deliberate practice.  One key to making a difference.  Groupthink might be its enemy.  It pays to know how we’re prioritizing the two.

“I am a horse for a single harness, not cut out for tandem or teamwork.  …for well I know that in order to attain any definite goal, it is imperative that one person do the thinking and the commanding.”

–     Albert Einstein, quoted at the beginning of chapter 3 of “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” by Susan Cain

“One boy’s a boy.  Two boys is half a boy.  Three boys is no boy at all.”

–     Loren F. Stark, my maternal grandfather

Look, I loved the Wonder Pets, and I’m a big fan of teamwork.  As long as we don’t lose sight of the fact that difference makers know their role and execute it, relentlessly.  A team, after all, implies a group of performers responsible for different parts of the unit’s health.

Cain’s book is interesting, especially for this life-long extrovert who’s been seeking more of his inner introvert of late.

She describes, in this chapter, the process by which Steve Wozniak created the first Apple computer — by himself, in his space, in the mode that he was wired for.  Yes, the Homebrew Computer Club was a catalyst, and Woz attended every other Wednesday, religiously.  But his work was done in solitude.

As my grandpa pointed out, sometimes you just need to get work done.  And often, at those times, the number of people in the mix negatively impacts the outcome.

If we’re dominated by meetings, by “input” from well-intentioned teammates whose input is (candidly, but not harshly intended) simply not valuable, perhaps some time in a single harness, away from the crowd and the temptation to succumb to groupthink will serve us well.

Maybe, as Wozniak said, and as Cain quoted, “I don’t believe anything really revolutionary has been invented by committee.”

Or, one last quote for the day, from Adisyn Watson Pyles, daughter of my dear friend, Randy Watson:  When she was about two, Adi said, “Daddy, me no think great minds think alike.  Me think great minds think different!”

Hmmmmmmm…

“There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community.”

–     M. Scott Peck

All we’ve left for this week on knowing is knowing “who.”

We can’t do it on our own.  Regardless of where you stand on matters of Higher Power, we simply can’t make a difference unless we are part of a community.

Now, who we include in that community is critical.  And, if our ultimate goal is to know how to do a thing — how to go forward — how to make a difference, who we surround ourselves with matters a lot.

Input, feedback, accountability — all critical elements of growth — and they come from our community.

Choose wisely those we add to our community.  Who we hang with and engage with is telling.  They will help us know what to do, when to do it.  They’ll keep us true to our sense of “Why?”  And, with those ingredients in place, we’ll know how.

The Daily Difference goes to the sidelines until June 13th.  A long-awaited break with my bride of 15 years (plus one day) awaits.

Until then, may your difference-making continue!

“Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time-to-time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.”

–     Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

But it can be learned.

So far this week, as we strive toward knowing how to do a thing, we’ve covered the importance of knowing why and when as critical precursors to action, and we find ourselves now considering what to do.

Think “Options over Action.”

There is almost never only one way forward, and too often we find ourselves seeking that one “best” thing to do.  And, we want to spring to action the second we establish that concept in our minds.  If we first consider options that we have, the creativity continues to flow and we leverage more of the best of ourselves and our teams by seeking those options.

As a leader, when I’ve been at my best, the question “What should I do?” has best been answered with, “What do you think you should do?” and then the answer to that question has been “What else could you do?”

Knowing why.  Knowing when.  Knowing what (with options).  Only “knowing who” stands between us and knowing how.

Until tomorrow…

“I’ve learned that we can do anything, but we can’t do everything; at least not at the same time.  So think of your priorities not in terms of what activities you do, but when you do them.  Timing is everything.”

–     Dan Millman (b. 1946), American author and lecturer

There are still only 24 hours in a day.  I did the research.  It’s been fact checked.

Crap!

So, knowing “when” takes on extra importance, doesn’t it?

“The urgent” is an illness that creeps in and ultimately sucks all the life out of “the important,” which is too bad, because “the important” is, well, important.  And the urgent things want us to loose our focus on when to act.  The urgent things want our attention right now — even if right now is not when we should give them our attention.  Because we simply can’t do everything.

So, even when we’re not sure how, if we know why, and get some clarity around knowing when, our priorities begin to align — and the order of consideration puts us in a position to know what.

Perhaps a good topic for tomorrow’s DD…

“With all thy getting, get understanding.”

–     The admonishment on the editorial page of Forbes Magazine, since its founding

Knowing why is the most critical knowing.

Absent the answer to “why?” questions, we fall prey to our busy-ness.  We lapse into activity without direction, reaction rather than responsiveness and worry at the expense of planning.

When we spend time to know the “why,” it’s really not a spend, it’s an investment of that time — and investment made knowing that we’ll get a return.

The ‘why” informs the what, when and who — and together, they build clear paths to the “how.”

If we don’t understand why we’re doing what we’re doing — perhaps we ought not to be doing it at all.