“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

–  Henry David Thoreau, American Author and Poet (1817-1862)

What do we see?  And, how sure are we that we’re seeing what we think we’re seeing?

When we look at the homeless person with the sign at the intersection, do we see a huckster or someone in need?

When we look at the kid at the fast food place that can’t get “it” right, do we see a dope, or someone who’s working to support a family where mom lost her job and dad’s been gone for years?

When we look at a problem, do we see a reason to quit, or a challenge to overcome?

What we think we see might get in the way or what we ought to see — and getting that right is really, really complex.  So, what do we do?

Difference makers try to look into – not past, not through, not at — but into the other person.

This video, originally released by Samuel Truett Cathy, the founder of Chic-Fil-A’s foundation – says it far better than I can.

“Its time for letting go, All of our “if onlys”
Cause we dont have a time machine

And even if we did, Would we really want to use it?
Would we really want to go change everything?

Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out and listen to your heartbeat
Theres a wonder in the here and now
Its right there in front of you
I dont want you to miss the miracle of the moment”

–     Lyric from Steven Curtis Chapman’s “Miracle of The Moment”

My close friend, accountability partner and “big brother,” Jim, e-mailed after yesterday’s “focus on tomorrow, not yesterday” post, saying, “So how does focusing on tomorrow square with the importance of being “fully present in the moment” that you and I have talked about frequently??”

Short answer:  It doesn’t.

The point is this.  Yesterday’s gone.  And no, I don’t mean the 50-year-old Chad and Jeremy song.  It’s.  Just.  Gone.

So, if we have to choose between focusing on tomorrow or yesterday, tomorrow is the winner’s bet.  Tomorrow, as I posted yesterday, is forward.

That said, since our choices aren’t limited to yesterday or tomorrow, why not enjoy the miracle of the moment?  Right now.  Why not be in the moment?  This moment.

Another friend of mine back in The ‘Burg has a bumper sticker.  It reads, “I’d rather be here.  Now.”

And so must we.

‘Cause we are who and where and what we are.  For now.  And this is the only moment we can do anything about.  Right now.

“Don’t look at today, look at tomorrow.”

–     Bob Lefsetz, influential blogger in the music / recording industry 

Speaking of music, I was tempted to use the lyric from Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow,” until I remembered that I hate that song, and think that “Annie” got it more right.  But, I digress.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow is forward.  We have to go forward to get to tomorrow.

Yesterday is backward.  Rearview mirror stuff.

So, why not think more about tomorrow?

Whatever we’re doing now — will it matter tomorrow?

Much of my business philosophy is based in Marcus Buckingham’s Strengths-Based Leadership Model.  One my my predominant strengths themes is “Context,” which sorta means that yesterday matters to me only in that we should have learned something from it.

Because it’s all about tomorrow.

In what direction are our thoughts, words and deeds taking us?  In what direction do we focus our time, plans and actions?

Difference makers go forward.  With tomorrow in mind.

“You may as well borrow a man’s money as his time.”

–     Horace Mann, American Education Reformist  (1796-1859)

Difference makers start on time.

They finish on time.

They’re aware of time — their own and others’.

Difference makers realize that to be late, to start late, to end late sends the wrong message to everyone.

Sometimes we think it’s hard to make a difference.

Here’s one example that it isn’t.  Timeliness — predictability around it, too — makes a difference.

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”

–     Alice Walker, American poet and author, b. 1944

If control is an illusion — and I believe it is — power is not.

Power is real.

We always have the power to decide, even if it’s only deciding how to respond to someone else’s power play.

We always have the power to think, even if we’ve not been schooled in a classroom or taught specific responses to specific scenarios.

We always have the power to believe, even if we’ve not seen empirical proof.

If today’s society makes us soft — and I believe it does — what power we possess should never be relinquished.  Certainly not by choice.

“I am going to be 80 soon, and I guess the one thing that puzzles me most is how quick it got here.”

–     Roy Acuff, American Country Music icon (1903-1992) and a favorite of Dick Heston, who’d have been 80 on Sunday

I guess the one thing that puzzles me most is how he could have been gone so long, so soon.

No man’s relationship with his father is perfect, and I probably romanticize the relationship I had with Dick Heston a bit.

What I do know is that it was good enough that Wyatt Richard is named after him.  That I reach for the phone every day, to ask what he’d think, and then wish I’d have reached for the phone every day when I could have called.  That I still try, every day, to make him proud, even though he told me he was before he passed.

Happy Birthday, Dad.  You made a difference.  You still do.  Every day.

“The shifts of fortune test the reliability of friends.”

–     Cicero, Roman lawyer, (BC 106 – BC 43)

It’s pretty easy to be there for someone when they get promoted, have a baby, get married or have a mortgage burning party.

Consistent presence — true friendship — means that we’re there when they lose a job, lose a baby, get divorced or lose the house.

The mood will be different.  The importance of our presence will not.

Rudy Giuliani, the former mayor of New York City, said, in the wake of the 9/11 attacks, “Weddings are optional, funerals are compulsory.”  I get his point.  But, if making a difference is our goal — presence is compulsory.

“The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.”

–       Epictetus

I’ve also read that, as parents, the best we can give our kids is our presence – to be with them, and to be completely with them.  The CrackBerry and the laptop, the incessant ringing of the phone and pinging of the text message makes even that more difficult these days, but when we commit to complete presence, the rewards usually outweigh the investment.

Another angle on presence can be seen in meetings.  All too often, they start (and run) late, and too many attendees are guilty of not really being there  — not being present.  They’re multi-tasking, doing the “iPhone prayer,” all head-bowed and typing “discretely” when the matter at hand deserves our presence — our focus.  (Another thought on multi-tasking; it’s amazing how discrete we aren’t being when we’re trying to be discrete, eh?)

But Epictetus may have captured the most important “take” on presence.

Who we choose to hang with really matters.

In tough times, do we gravitate to the “complainers,” or the “solvers.”  Do we go to lunch with folks who’s glass is half full or half empty?  Given a choice between a challenging boss or one that lets us walk all over them, which would we choose?  I like for the best in me to be called forth, so most of my friends are pretty strong personalities and people who expect those around them to “step up.”

I am blessed in my circle of friends and associates to have a number of people who call forth the best in me.  I enjoy keeping company with them, and not because it’s always easy.  I try to associate with people who deliver the unvarnished truth as often as possible.  Presence with them makes me stronger.

Keep company — and be present — with people who call forth the best in you, and when you’re with them, be completely with them.  That’ll make it easier to make a difference.

“The strongest have their moments of fatigue.”

–     Friedrich Nietzsche, German philosopher (1844-1900)

If it was easy, anyone could do it.

Seriously.

The times we struggle make us more better.  (For those of you relatively new to the DD, “more better” is a technical term…)  The times we struggle bring us closer in touch with the lack of significance we carry on the broader canvas, and with the fact that everyone — everyone — needs help every now and then.

That it is difficult is not a reason to quit, though.  That it is difficult may well be a sign that we’re on track.  Not to suggest that we ought to seek the difficult path, but if we find ourselves on it — there is some learning to be harvested as we go.

If it was easy, anyone could do it.  It would pay less.  It would feel less good when we get it mostly right.

If it was easy, it might not make as much of a difference.

“Many of the cruel things in life spring from the fact that we suffer from illusions.  We are not true to one another as facts; we are true only to our ideas of one another.”

–     Oswald Chambers, in his daily devotional, My Utmost For His Highest

“Most things in life are neither good nor bad, right nor wrong.  Most things just are.”

–     Dr. Tom Graf

As parents, it’s too easy to focus on our idea of what we’d like our kids to be.  As spouses, we get wrapped up in the idea of what we imagine our partner could be.  As leaders, we get derailed when our employees don’t live up to the idea of what we’d expect them to be.  As employees, we get defeated when our leaders act or decide in a manner that conflicts with our idea of what we’d like to see.

Difference makers realize that our ideas are — well, that they’re ideas.  Not facts.  Not reality.

Stripping away the myth from the man — seeing him as he really is — is one way to make a difference in his life.  Divorcing yourself from the imagery of the ideal woman — and seeing her as her own person — is one way to make a difference in her life.  Erasing every cereal commercial image of every kid on earth — and relishing in the sheer kid-ness of the kid in front of us — is one way to make a difference in that child’s life.

Lately, it sorta feels like I’m 0-3 in comparison to that last paragraph’s expectation.  In baseball vernacular, it feels like a bit of a “slump.”

Hopefully Oswald and Dr. Tom provided me a slump buster concept today.  Hopefully the same concept helps you make a difference for someone today.