“Have you ever noticed that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

–     George Carlin, American comedian (1937-2008)

1000+ miles with the family this weekend gives me fresh perspective on this one from one of my favorite comedians.

It also gives fresh perspective on perspective.

If our pace doesn’t match the pace of those around us, is it possible that they “get it,” and we don’t?

If your destination seems in conflict with those around us, is it possible that we’re trying to get to the wrong place, or perhaps the right place but in the wrong timeframe?

And, just in case we’re right, isn’t it incumbent upon us, as difference makers, to “bring others along,” rather than just rant at their idiocy or lunacy?

“These people don’t wear shoes!”

–     from a piece written by Tom Coughlin, still one of the most talented people with whom I’ve ever worked 

In 1991, I began working with a bright, energetic, funny, compelling young man named Tom Coughlin.  My time working with him was as much fun as I’ve ever had in my career, and we accomplished some exceptionally cool things together.  Following is a piece Tom wrote more recently.  Longer than a run-of-the-mill DD, it is, however, a reminder that perspective, alone, often makes a difference.

Take it away, Coughlin:

In the late 1930s, a small company on the Hawaiian Island of Oahu made and sold sandals for the Islanders. It was a small company but it made a good product and its business grew.

After Pearl Harbor, with World War II raging in the Pacific, this small company successfully transitioned from making sandals to making boots for the Marines in action in the south Pacific. The demand caused the company to grow fast in a short amount of time, but the owners always knew that the demand for combat boots would not last. The war would end one day and then what would they do?

When the war ended in August, 1945 the company put a plan into action. They decided to go back to making sandals and also added light-weight shoes from what they learned making boots. They knew that there was not enough population in Hawaii to sustain the company at the level to which it had grown, so they decided to adopt a sales strategy similar to the military’s “Island Hopping” campaign.

The company sent two salesmen out to a series of pacific islands. The mission was for each sales person to go ashore on an opposite side of each island and work their way through the villages drumming up interest in the sandals and shoes.  They would meet in the middle and radio the results back to Hawaii.

A few days after the sales people left, the company sent a boat load of sandals and shoes to follow them and fulfill the orders they were sure to come up with.

The first sales person landed on the south shore of the first island and began making his way from village to village. To his dismay, he observed that the native islanders did not wear shoes. After just a couple of visits, he radioed back to headquarters and dejectedly said, “Turn the boat around.  This is of no use.  These people don’t wear shoes.”

Meanwhile, the second sales person had landed on the northern shore of the same island and began making his way from village to village. He, too, observed that the native islanders did not wear shoes. He stopped at village after village and saw the same, bare feet. He, too radioed back to headquarters, but exclaimed, “ Hurry!  Send TWO BOATS!  These people don’t wear shoes!!”

“To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.”

     –     Unattributed

Recently, a young associate of mine named Kari Freedus passed along this article she found on LinkedIn.

It describes the “9 Qualities of Truly Confident People.”

A few of my favorites:

They take a stand not because they think they are always right, but because they are not afraid to be wrong.  Powerful to the core.

They freely ask for help.  It’s not weakness, it’s pragmatism.

They own their mistakes.  It’s not about looking good, it’s about getting better.

They only seek approval from the people that really matter.  And what a difference it makes to know who’s on that list.  Having the trust and respect of those that truly matter goes much, much farther than having the affection of everyone.

There’s an authenticity that runs through this list — and any list of characteristics of people seeking to make a difference.

Pat Heston:  “Watch for deer!”

Steve Heston:  “Mom, I’m flying on an airplane.”

Pat Heston:  “Well, then, tell the pilot to watch for deer!”

–     An often repeated conversation between Mom and me

I thought of this one last night when a bunch of deer darted out a couple blocks from the rental house and created a bit of an issue for my right front wheel and the curb.  On and around the farm where I grew up (to whatever degree I have grown up…but I digress…), cars and deer met frequently at highway speed.  It wasn’t good for either party when it happened.  So, Mom always wanted us to “watch for deer.”

She meant to “be careful.”  To “be aware” of the things around you that might cause you to get hurt.

Mom was a world class worrier — and I’ll always believe that it shortened her life.  That said, it enriched ours.

Knowing, even in your adult life that someone cares enough to want you to always “watch for deer,” is a security blanket even better than the one Linus carried around in the old Charlie Brown / Peanuts cartoons.

Difference makers care about the people in their circles.  They help them watch for deer.

“You can’t always get what you want.  But if you try sometime, you might find; you get what you need.”

–     Lyric from “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, circa 1968

There is a great story in our family about the time when Kate, the oldest of The Three, was about two years old and was grocery shopping with my sister back in my hometown.  Kate, it seems, “needed” chips.  My sis reminder her, “Kate, you might want chips, but you really don’t need chips.”

Kate looked at her as if my sister had completely lost her mind, took a very deep breath and announced to everyone in the Hy-Vee store, at the top of her lungs, “I NEED chips!”

It’s kind of cute when a two-year-old does it.  Less so when we do.

How often do we confuse wants and needs?  The needs are pretty simple really, and difference makers focus on them.

“I never said nice guys can’t finish first.  I said, if my mom was rounding third base with the winning run, and I was playing third base for the other team, I’d trip her.”

–     Leo Durocher, legendary baseball  player and manager

For me, it was a weekend full of nice guys finishing first.

My dear friend and attorney, Jim DeJong, son of Parse DeJong (who’s quoted in this blog a few times a year) saw his son, Ben (another very nice guy), married to an incredible young lady — and we were honored to be there.  Surrounded by nice guy winners in a room where a nice guy was winning reminded me that difference makers don’t have to be ball busters or glass breakers — they can be….well….nice.

Yesterday, when Phil Mickelson won The Open Championship — and walked off the green in tears with his 21-year caddie, Jim Mackay (also in tears), to hug his entire family (who were, I might add, ALSO in tears), I remember meeting Phil at Olympia Fields.  I told Phil he was my favorite player, and he asked “Why?”  Because, you’re a genuinely nice guy, and every time you’re on TV, I bet your dad is really proud of you.  I hope my son has that same effect on me when he’s grown…

Just a random post on nice guys.  And on a very special weekend for a guy who thinks they make a difference.

“A wise man makes his own decisions.  An ignorant man follows public opinion.”

–     A Chinese Proverb

Look, if our goal is to make a difference, one way we can do it is to decide.  To decide.  To act.

Many will prefer the status quo.  Many will offer their “Monday Morning Quarterback 2 cents” well after input is needed, let alone wanted.  The espousers of public opinion tend to lay low and seek to blame others for outcomes — unless they’re rosy and pleasant for everyone.  (By the way, weigh in here with the last outcome you encountered that was rosy and pleasant for everyone.  No hurry.  We’ll wait…)

The weak people blame.  “Well, if my parents had been wealthier…”  “Gee, if only you hadn’t…”  “It’s all ________’s fault…”

Blame is a loser’s game.  And un-willingness to act is it’s best tactic.

Easy decisions really aren’t decisions at all, in the grand scheme of things.  If it’s obvious, either it should have already been done, or a bigger picture is there, if only we’d look for / at it.  Difficult decisions call for clarity of mind, for preparation, for honoring experiences and instincts and for the kind of fortitude that isn’t commonly found in the general public.

Abraham Lincoln had to decide.  Harry Truman had to decide.  The guys on the ground at NASA while Apollo 13 was floating around all willy nilly through space had to decide.  If you’re a parent, you have to decide.  And guess what?  If you’re a leader of people — of teams and / or functions, there are times when you have to decide.

Difference makers decide.  And, when the second guessing begins, they separate themselves from the rest of the pack — from public opinion — because they’re already moving forward.

https://thehestongroup.com/decide/

“Given the same amount of intelligence, timidity will do a thousand times more damage than audacity.”

–     Karl Von Clausewitz, Prussian General and Military Strategist (1780-1831)

There are times to analyze which hill we should try to take.

There are times to defend the high ground, once taken.

And, there are times to just.  Take.  The.  Hill.

I am a sucker for military experience.  I am a sucker for military history.  I am a sucker for audacity over timidity — especially “given the same amount of intelligence.”  And remember, in this context, intelligence doesn’t mean “smarts,” it means information.

Difference makers know when to analyze.  When to defend.  And when to be audacious.  Difference makers know when to take.  The.  Hill.

“If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus one day, so I never have to live without you.”

–     Winnie the Pooh, on loyalty

“Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death.”

–     Albert Einstein

Upon picking up the world’s largest Labradoodle after an extended stay at the doggie hotel — and after a fun weekend with our 3-year-old niece, I find myself wondering, “What if we were always as loyal as our dogs, and always as curious as our kids — would that make a difference?”

“Be still and know that I am God.”

–     Psalm 46:10

Yeah, yeah — so sue me.  I usually leave the overtly Christian stuff for Easter and Christmas.

It’s just that I can’t get this verse out of my head this week — a week of ridiculous pace and frenetic activity.

Out of balance.  Out of time.  Out of energy.  Out of whack.

Still.

Stillness.

Skipping the flight until tomorrow morning.  Sitting.  Reading.  Breathing.  Smiling.

There is a sense of peace from knowing — really knowing — and it’s easiest to find peace when we’re willing — NOT able, because we’re always able, really — willing to be still.

And know.