“The most powerful concept in marketing is owning a word in the prospect’s mind.”

–     Law #5 Ries & Trout’s 1993 classic book, “The 22 Immutable Laws of Marketing”

So, what word will we own?

Not just in the mind of prospects and not just in the business sense of the matter.

What word will we own with our family?  Friends?  Spouse?  Children?

Another way to look at this question is the ol’ tombstone consideration; if we could only have one word marking our grave, what word would we choose?

Which word we choose matters less than how committed we are to it — and how readily those around us would offer it up in consideration of us.

What word do we own in the minds of those we care about most?

“Simplicity is prerequisite for reliability.”

–     Edsger Dijkstra ( 1930 – 2002), UT / Austin Professor, Dutch Computer Scientist and winner, 1972 Turing Award

Simplicity is prerequisite for reliability.

Holy cow, do I LOVE that!  Granted, ol’ Ed could use a couple extra vowels in his name, but who am I to criticize….?  And, yet again, I digress…where was I?  Ah, yes, difference makers.  Reliability.

Earlier this morning, I was on a call with two of my “go-to people,” people that I know will always, or dang near always, bake stuff down to the most important elements and focus on those elements relentlessly.  People who can look at a box of junk and bring the space shuttle home (veiled movie reference….if you haven’t seen Apollo 13 that is NOT my fault…)

What Thomas Shields has done for the last 18 months and what Pamela Lager has done off-and-on for more than a dozen years is make me better.

Every time I need them, I end up better off because they not only “get it,” but they are hard-wired to focus on the important stuff and how it relates to the outcome.

If we are struggling to make a difference, it may well be because we’re letting the perceived complexity overpower the real simplicity.

Go-to people are known for their reliability, and so are real difference makers.  And for both, simplicity is a key tool for success.

“…if you know someone’s fear you will know their need.”

–     Marcus Buckingham in “The One Thing You Need To Know”

Difference makers know the fears of those for whom they seek to make a difference.

Buckingham cites five over-arching fears and their associated needs, as follows:

1) Fear of Death (our own or our family’s) corresponds to the Need For Security.

2)  Fear of The Outsider corresponds to the Need For Community.

3)  Fear of The Future corresponds to the Need For Clarity

4)  Fear of Chaos corresponds to the Need For Authority, and

5)  Fear of Insignificance corresponds to the Need For Respect.

So, the gifts of the difference maker seem clear in this context.  Security, Community, Clarity, Authority and / or Respect.  Knowing who needs them, and the fears they address are powerful discernments, and worth seeking.

Simplicity serves us well, and Marcus Buckingham, who is one of the primary difference makers in my career — simplifies this matter and puts a context within which we might all make a difference.

“I used to smoke five packs of cigarettes a day.  It was the hardest thing to put them away.  I drank four or five bottles of wine.  I kept a glass in my hand all the time.  Breaking those habits was hard to do, but nothing prepared me for the changes that you put me through!  Tryin’ to live my life without you, babe.  It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever do.”

–     Lyric from Bob Seger’s “Tryin’ to Live My Life Without You”

Breaking habits is hard to do.  And change, productive change, is all about breaking old habits.

Difference makers don’t let others prescribe their habits, or the changes they go through, but that’s not to say we have to navigate change on our own.

There are times that someone in our circle ought to be able to prescribe — or at the very least suggest — some changes.  Perhaps changes in perspective, or changes in approach.

And, there are times when those in our inner circle are obligated to call for changes.

But, no one can put us through changes that we don’t want to go through.  Even if they have “the authority” to — think teachers, bosses, parents, etc — the change will only stick when we want it to, and when we commit to it.

“We don’t create a fantasy world to escape reality.  We create it to be able to stay.”

–     Lynda Barry, American Cartoonist, b. 1956

Fantasy Football drafts are coming up.  The Middle asked me a pretty good question tonight; “Dad, why do we play fantasy football?  Why not just pick a team?”

It’s not that he doesn’t want to play.  He does.  In fact, he’s the only reason I’ll do it.  He just wants to know why we (the big, societal “we,” I’m pretty sure…) do it.

On the big canvas of life and business, it begs the broader consideration.

Why do we engage in fantasy?  Why do we spend time thinking about the impossible / improbable / unlikely?

Perhaps “Why?” matters less than what we do with it.  If some time spent in fantasy (can we get Aaron Rodgers AND Adrian Peterson again this year, and can AP stay healthy — and will we burn in hell for rooting for a Viking to do anything remotely positive?) means that we embark on the path of possibility thinking — does it become productive to the outcomes we’re seeking?

“If only I had…I could….” means we can identify what we need to — well, you get the picture…

Fantasy can free our minds, and channel our efforts.  Fantasy can focus our aspirations and bring clarity to our time management.

If applied constructively, fantasy can make a difference.

“Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated.”

–     Lamartine, French poet and author (1790-1869)

He’d had been 81 today, an Iowa farmer with a smile as big as sunrise and a willingness to see the good in everyone.

For me, the concept of difference making began with him, and I miss him more than ever today.  The Three would have loved knowing their PaPa, and while he sees them everyday — I’d have loved seeing them know him.

In Dick Heston’s honor, today, let’s find the smile — and the good in people, no matter how hard we have to look for it.

“It is us today.  Tomorrow it will be you.”

–     Haile Selassie, Emperor of Ethiopa, a quote from 1935, after Mussolini’s troops had invaded

“But tireless men like Hitler always find advantage in other nations’ fatigue.”

–     Daniel Henninger, in his column, July 31, 2014, Wall Street Journal (also the source of Selassie’s quote)

Not since the weeks leading up to World War I have we faced such an unsettled world, militarily.

Not for generations have we faced as big a gap between the “haves” and the “have nots,” socioeconomically.

When one looks around at our world today — and it IS our WORLD, seein’s how it’s the only one we have and all of us have to live here —  we see tireless men with evil intent, advancing, pretty much unchecked.  Regardless of one’s political affiliation, the question is begged here, who does the “checking,” and when.  Because if no one does anything, while today it is “them,” tomorrow it will be us.

Which country will stand up and make a difference for the free world?

And, while military analogies are always a stretch, the same may be true of our committee, our team, our company or our inner circle.  If there are people tirelessly working to tear down what’s been built, who’s going to be the difference maker that “checks” them?

“Every child is an artist.  The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.”

–     Pablo Picasso, quoted in the book “7” (a compilation of quotes, thoughts and ponderings)

This book was a gift from my sister, and there are a number of ponderings in its pages worth, well, pondering.

If you’re a frequent reader of the Daily Difference at all, you’ve read my question, “At what age do we start sucking all the creativity out of kids?” and I think the answer is “too soon, and it’s getting earlier all the time.”

But we do it to adults, too.

We try to control everything, or force everything into a process.  We try to mandate, regulate or debate every little thing.  We take things way too seriously and it can adversely affect our performance when we do.

The past two evenings, the Middle of The Three and his Little Sister have headed up to the golf course with me for some practice ahead of Saturday’s Father / Son Championship.

Tuesday night, we laughed and giggled and messed around — and shot 4 over par in an alternate shot format.  Tonight, we were practicing, preparing, plotting strategy and “working at our game,” and were five over.  On the first TWO holes.

We sucked.  I mean, we.  Were.  Awful.

When Middle got frustrated once, I said, “Aw, heck, Wyatt, just hit it out there.”  He calmly striped a 3-wood 181 yards off the deck and turned and grinned at me, as if to say, “Why don’t we do that all the time, Dad?”  In fact, I’m pretty sure he said, “Why don’t we do that all the time, Dad?”

So, on the next hole, I did, too.  And then he did.  Par.  Then another par.  We let the artist back in.  And the pictures got prettier.

Even if business, the more we trust our instincts, get in the moment and place intuition, creativity and aggressiveness where safety and fear would sneak in, the more we’d like the outcomes.

When we leave the art in the child and the creativity in the professional, we make a difference.

Dad:  “Did you do your best?”

Me:  “Yes.”

Dad:  “Then you did all you could, and we’re proud of you.”

–     A conversation behind the backstop, West Des Moines Dowling, circa 1979

My high school is back in the State Tournament in Iowa, for the first time since my old team made it in 1979.  The first round game would prove to be the first I would ever lose in my high school career, and the loss stung.

An Iowa farmer of few words found the right ones that night, and as the Trojans roll in to the 8th (extra innings) in a pitcher’s-duel-both-teams-only-have-one-hit masterpiece, I have a few for them.

“Find a way to win.  But do your best.  And if it’s not enough, you’ll still remember tonight at least 35 years from tonight.”

“Consult, don’t sell.  Give away the business.  Tell the kind truth.  Enter the danger.  Ask dumb questions.  Make dumb suggestions.  Celebrate your mistakes.  Take a bullet for the client.  Make everything about the client.  Honor the client’s work.  Do the dirty work.”

–     Advice in Patrick Lencioni’s “Getting Naked:  A Business Fable About Shedding The Three Fears That Sabotage Client Loyalty

Did I mention that Patrick Lencioni makes a difference for me?  I did?  Oh, sorry ’bout that.

Taken on their own, any one of these tidbits will improve our relationships with our clients.  About half of them would improve any relationship we had with anyone.

Together, though, these are powerful advantages that most people, let alone most companies, simply won’t have the courage to deploy.

Funny thing about Lencioni’s lessons.  He illustrates in business fable form how it doesn’t really take courage.  Just common sense.