“Well, I’m for love, yeah, I’m for happiness…”

–     Hank Williams, Jr. lyric from “I’m For Love”

Somewhere along the way, the conversation seems to have completely shifted over to being about what we’re against.  Politician’s aren’t for something, they’re against someone.  Fans aren’t for their team, they’re against all the others.  Companies don’t stand for as much, they’re just chasing this quarter’s analyst call…

If we stop and make a list of the people with whom we genuinely enjoy spending time, I’ll bet the names on that list are people who stand for something.

And I’m all for that.

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”

–    Anne Frank

Differentiation is not just about being different.

It’s about getting, and being, better.  Than we were yesterday.  Than the other options.  Than the world expects we will be.

Differentiation makes a difference.

“You look like I could use a drink!”

–    Jason D. Williams, Arkansas piano man

A few years back, heading to a Cowboy Mouth concert, I noticed that Jason D. Williams was the opening act.  “Who the heck is Jason D. Williams,”  I thought.  “Oh, well.  Openers don’t play all that long…”

And then, I wished Jason D. would play longer…

When he comes out, and starts talkin’ and playin’ and jumpin’ up and down on the piano keyboard, you think, “Hmmmm, Jerry Lee Lewis…” Occasionally he seemed to be channeling Eddie Murphy impersonating James Brown impersonating Jerry Lee Lewis, but the primary impression was definitely a “Jerry Lee” moment.

But he differentiated himself from Jerry Lee by his playing. Jason D. can flat play piano, and a rockabilly, 6-minute, killer version of “Tubular Bells” (that’s the theme from “The Exorcist”) proved that this guy was a musician, not just a showman. Granted, he played part of it while standing on the keyboard in snakeskin boots – he is, in fact, also a showman – but he never missed a note, even while standing on the keys, playing at a pace that nearly made his 20-something-year-old drummer faint trying to keep up!

When my favorite band, Cowboy Mouth took the stage, more evidence of differentiation was in play. There are a great many bands who are musical peers or musical superiors to Fred and the band. There are even a couple drummers out there who sing. There aren’t however, any 265-pound, barefoot drummers who spend about 10% of the show walking around out in the crowd (while one of the guitar players keeps the beat going), making people get up out of their seats to come down in front of the stage and dance — because, as he puts it, over and over again, we all need to be “glad to be alive.” “Are you with me?” he admonishes…

Fred LeBlanc, for almost 30 years as the leader of Cowboy Mouth, has put his heart and soul out front. He’s put his love for New Orleans on his sleeve. He’s had plenty of fun with lyrics and band mates and fans and TV-show hosts and relationships – all at a volume-level that will make you sure the next day that you saw Cowboy Mouth the night before. He’s had exactly one radio hit yet he fills the hall and sends everyone away sweating and happy almost 200 nights per year around the country.

Jason D’s playin’ differentiates him. Fred’s passion differentiates him.

What differentiates us?

“Nothing better may carry and connect sincere hearts than a travel-worn letter with your name and address, hand written.”

–    Hyejin Lee, South Korean native living in the USA

“The decline of the personal letter has not only taken the thrill out of opening the mailbox; it imperils the writing of history. What will future biographers have to work with, text messages, Facebook walls and credit-card receipts?”

–    Gregg Easterbrook, in a 2012 Wall Street Journal review of Jay Wilkinson’s “Dear Jay, Love Dad”

The headline says “Differentiation,” but, you may be wondering to yourself, “Self, where is he going with these two quotes!?”

Here’s where I am going.

Do the 88 e-mails we’ll send today differentiate our message, especially if the topic is really important?

Will the 53 text messages we’ll send today differentiate our message, especially if the topic is really important?

Granted, I still try to send a handful of hand-written notes every day, so I’m biased. (In fact, check this recent post and the great story behind it!) Granted, Pat Heston raised her kids to be sorta “old school” on this topic. Granted, I could use that :12 – :15 minutes for more text-messaging or e-mailing. I could probably even text or e-mail another five or six clients with a “snippet” in those extra minutes.

But, to kick off a series on “differentiation,” consider these questions:

When your client gets his or her mail today, will there be anything other than solicitations, brochures for the next big conference or bills, etc?

If there was a letter or note – hand written both inside and on the envelope – what do you think they’d open first?

What would you open first?

Occasionally, I still get asked why I send handwritten notes and letters.

The answers are simple. When I send one to a customer – for whatever purpose – two things happen. One, they usually call me on the phone that day. When they do that, we actually talk to each other. Sometimes for long periods of time. Two, the next time I am in their office, that note will be somewhere visible. Pinned on the back wall of the credenza, maybe, or still on the corner of the desk, even a couple weeks, and sometimes even a couple months later. I sent a note to a customer back in 1997. Six years later, he called and requested a meeting, when I was working for another company. The note was still pinned up above his desk. I said, “Gee, that was a nice touch, pulling out that old note.” His reply? “I didn’t pull it out. I’m leaving it up there as an example to our calling officers until I get another one from someone else.”

Do we want to have relationships that “imperil the writing of history” (sorta melodramatic, I know, but it serves my point…just sayin’…), or do we want to have relationships differentiated by carrying and connecting hearts?

One way to make a difference.

More to come.

“It’s more than a little ironic that a bunch of economists — in a profession that prizes data and equations — have chosen to rely on a non formulaic process to determine compensation…it’s one of the reasons our culture is so strong and it’s helped create a more valuable firm over the long term.”

–     Martha Samuelson, CEO, Analysis Group, as quoted in Harvard Business Review 11/15

Or, as Dad always used to say, “Figures lie and liars figure.”  (Hmmmm, usually I give him top billing…).  OK, one more to over-illustrate the point, from ol’ Albert Einstein his own self:  “Not everything that counts can be counted and not everything that can be counted counts.”

So, why do we insist on formulas and overworked metrics for every danged thing?

Hundreds of times I’ve heard people ask, “What do the data show?” Hundreds of times I’ve answered, “Part of the picture!”

When I began my banking technology career in 1994, compensation at our firm was determined about 33% by hard metrics, about 33% by attitude and work ethic and about 33% by what the leaders agreed the value of the employee to be.  At least I think that’s about how it shook out.  We were never told.  And darned few ever left, until it came time to retire, which many did at a pretty young age.

If we’re working for / toward something bigger, let’s not insult that vision by baking it down to three columns and nine rows on a spreadsheet.  Let’s look at, measure (as best we can) and reward the big picture performance.

“You cannot overestimate the unimportance of practically everything.”

–     John Maxwell, as quoted in Greg McKeown’s book, Essentialism

Said differently, practically anything is less important than we believe it to be.

McKeown goes deep in to the biases that make unimportant things seem important and the antidotes to help us get comfortable focusing on the vital few things that really are, or ever will be important.

Skills like discerning, like saying, “No!” are our friends if we want to be more focused and productive.

One of the best lessons McKeown offers is the admonishment to ask “how will we know when we’re done?”

If that question can’t be answered, we’re either chasing the wrong objective, or no objective at all.

Have I mentioned that I recommend the book?

“He was making a millimeter of progress in a million directions.”

–     Greg McKeown, in his 2014 book, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less

It’s my second time through the book (which I definitely recommend), and I am struck by how, like many of life’s best lessons, common sense rules the pages.

All or most of our focus on one or two things is game changing, and McKeown sets a comfortable framework for understanding, and executing on an “essentialist mindset.”

Part one covers the Essense of Essentialism, and we learn about choosing, discerning and trade-offs.  Part two shows us how to Explore, and deals with a couple very surprising topics as it does.  Part three is where we get comfortable with Eliminating — getting rid of the “trivial many” so that we can focus on “the vital few.”  Part four is all on Execution.

If we’re feeling over-matched, tired, pulled in too many directions — this book is a good primer on getting to a better place.  Or, as McKeown says early in the pages, “If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.”

“Weniger aber besser.”  (English translation:  “Less but better.”)

     –   Dieter Rams, original designer of the glass-topped record player / turntable – the one that everyone ultimately copied.

“The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.”

     –     Lin Yutang (1895 – 1976), Chinese writer and inventor

Both of these quotes occur in the first few pages of Greg McKeown’s book, Essentialism.

It would be interesting to know how many times the word “wisdom” is tied to the word “less,” yet we do, try to do, are expected to do and work ourselves to death, trying to do more.

The philosophy of “less but better” will guide our path for this week’s Daily Difference.  In the meantime, considering every task, request, e-mail, phone call, etc. through this essentialism-filter will give us a fresh new perspective — and the energy to appreciate it.

“Coaching is not what you know.  It’s what your student learns.”

–     Andre Agassi, quoted in the interview, back page, of the October 2015 Harvard Business Review

He hated tennis for most of his life.  He says, in the interview, he kept playing (at the highest level, by the way) due to “lack of alternatives.”

But it’s his take on coaching that had me enthralled.  “The idea that I succeed at your demise doesn’t fit the culture,” he says, in describing his foundation and charter school.

“Coaching is not what you know, it’s what your student learns,” he says, “and for your student to learn, you have to learn him… The day they stop learning is the day they should stop teaching.”

Further improvement on the concept is.   Not.  Possible.

I will stop here, accordingly.

“You can’t please all the people all the time…and last night, all those people were at my show.”

     –     Mitch Hedberg (1968 – 2005), iconic American stand-up comic

I’m always torn (see John Belushi) to prop up celebrities that die from drug overdoses.  My heart hurts for the loss of an individual, my head ponders the loss of talent.

All that said, Mitch Helberg was.  Hilarious.

Watch the clips.  Maybe it’s because he says out loud what so many of us smart alecks think, but don’t say…  Maybe it’s the delivery.  The idiosyncratic presence.

Still, rare is the artist, executive, sales pro or employee who’s able to say — “Doh!  I’m not all that!”

Watch some Mitch on video.  And laugh.  Smile.  Take yourself less seriously.

What you’ll see is a professional more concerned with honoring their craft than pleasing….well….anyone.

More Mitch to follow.  Hope it makes a difference.