“When it is not necessary to decide, it is necessary not to decide.”

–     Paraphrase of a judicial principle (Morse vs. Frederick and others)

While this principle, applied to a First Amendment case, among other judicial instances, might not always apply to life or business, it is solid counsel to consider.

Late in the quarter.  Late in the race.  Late in the game.  Easy to try to force the issue.

Not always the best call.

We often find ourselves with a dozen or more “top priorities,” which, by definition is an overload of ten or more.  Our best decision at that point is to make a “to-DON’T list,” but instead, we’re tempted to try to decide on many initiatives too quickly or without the basis in fact that we’d need to make better decisions.  Sometimes, to not decide is our best decision, and it’s not a cop-out, either.  As Geddy Lee from Rush reminds us in “Free Will,”

“If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.”

Difference makers take the time to get some oxygen, and then don’t force decisions where none need to be made, so that we can really commit to the ones that do.

Breathe.  I’m told it’s beneficial to longer life.  And, if we have to decide something today, deciding to get enough oxygen and quiet space in the noggin ain’t a bad decision to start with.

“And I could have done so many things, baby, if I could only stop my mind from wonderin’ what I left behind; and from worrying ’bout this wasted time.”

–     Lyric from “Wasted Time” by the Eagles

But was it, really?  How often is it really wasted time?

It is possible — likely, in my opinion, that we are here…now…for a specific reason.  It may be to do something.  It may be to have something done to or near us.  It may be something we’re oblivious to, or seemingly nothing that we’re suddenly keenly aware of.

In every moment, though, there is a gift.  An opportunity to be in that moment.

Gifts, one could say, are meant to be treasured.  Relished in.  And yet if each moment of each day is a gift of some sort — why do we spend so little time being in that moment, let alone treasuring it, relishing in it — learning from it?

The only time we waste is the time we’re not present in.  In an age where we are not only tempted but taunted to constantly be in touch, we are losing touch with more people — close in people that matter.  And the fix is simple.

Sometimes to keep it together we got to leave it alone.  Or, in context, and the tune of C, if memory serves me;

Another love has come and gone, and the years keep rushin’ on; I remember what you told me before you went out on your own — sometimes to keep it together we’ve got to leave it alone.”

“So you can get on with your search, baby.  And I can get on with mine.  And maybe someday we will find — that it wasn’t really wasted time.”

Leave the phone home for a day.  Turn it off during lunch.  Shut down e-mail and write a hand-written letter to someone you miss dearly.  Call a client, just to say, “Hi,” and then tell them you were thinking of them and hoping that they were having an awesome day.  Clean up one of the kids room, and leave a card, saying “thanks for reminding me of all the cool stuff you’ve collected over the year…”  I could simply turn this paragraph in to an endless list, but you get the point.

It wasn’t really wasted time — as long as we’re better today because of it.

“What, me worry?”

–     Catchphrase of Mad Magazine Cover Boy, Alfred E. Neuman

My sister and I collected every issue for many years.  I still think it’s funny — and I wonder if she has some or all of them, somewhere. I’ll have to ask.

In the meantime, worry is a worthy topic.

Why can’t we all be as worry-free as Alfred E. Neuman?  Should we be?

Worry isn’t just counter productive, it’s un-productive.  Worry neither contains nor provides positive energy.  So, why, unless you were born of Pat Heston’s and Loren Stark’s genes, would you worry?

According to an online article, we worry because:  (LAME SOURCE ALERT!)

1) We are “never certain about what our future will bring us,” so

2) Worrying almost becomes a way of “keeping the mind active while it waits for the future to arrive.”

3) When we find we are “not in a position to take any concrete action, we allow ourselves to worry out of habit.” And,

4) “our mind is conditioned to do something…so if “nothing can be done about a situation, it will just worry about it.”

Um, I’m not buying it.  You see, worrying is a choice.  Worrying is a decision.  It is completely within our control. So, then, is not worrying.

There is a great old tune from The Atlanta Rhythm Section, circa 1978, which includes the lyric:

“Life on the street is a jungle, A struggle to keep up the pace
I just can’t beat that old dog eat dog, The rats keep winnin’ the rat race

But I’m not gonna let it bother me tonight, I’m not gonna let it bother me tonight
The world is in an uproar and I see no end in sight, But I won’t let it bother me tonight”

If we do, we’re not going to make a difference.  Fact is we are never really certain of what the future holds, and getting our mind at peace with that fact gives us a foundation for not worrying.  Faith does the same thing, and, not ironically, the best way, perhaps to get our mind at peace is to have a source of Faith.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?”  – Matthew 6:25-27

So, since being anxious, worrying doesn’t add a single hour to life, since it is void of positive energy, and since it is a decision, Difference Makers can agree that not worrying is a decision that will make a difference.

It’s not just the 46th Psalm (v 10), it’s good business advice, parenting advice, friendship advice and life advice.  “Be still, and know.”

“Speak, Lord, for thy servant heareth.”

–     From 1 Samuel

“I woke up in the middle of the night and I don’t know why.”

“I keep a note pad by the bed, for when I wake up in the night with an idea…”

“I’m just not sleeping well lately…”

We’ve all had these — and other — scenarios.  The brain is churning.  The sleep comes in fits and starts, or the pattern gets way off.

Maybe it’s a flawed exercise routine.  (The flaw in mine is that it died a few weeks back…).  Maybe it’s stress.  Maybe it’s excitement.  Maybe the kids, the parents, the boyfriend, the girlfriend, the neighbor, the buddy…

Maybe it has nothing to do with us.  Maybe the alarm clock isn’t what’s waking us up.  Maybe it’s a larger calling, a more important voice.  Maybe there is an item on our Divine To-Do list that is due, overdue, or about to become do.

Listen.  Be still.  The alarm clock won’t be needed, if the heart is calm enough to discern.

And, a difference will be made.

“No matter where you go, there you are.”

–     Dick Heston (1933-2002)

You can run, but you can’t hide.

Dad typically used this when someone was thinking about changing addresses, careers, girlfriends or boyfriends, spouses — you get the idea.  You can change your address, but you’re still taking all of you with you, unless you do a great job of occasionally unpacking.

Unpacking is hard work, unless it is just taking dirty laundry out of the suitcase after vacation.  Really unpacking — discarding the parts of us that are no longer additive to the outcomes we seek is really difficult.

We think they’re in us naturally.  That “it’s just the way we are.”  I contend that we are the way we choose to be, by and large.

Emotional?  You can’t really take that out of your DNA, but we can apply it differently than we historically have.  Reserved?  Same holds true.  Angry?  Well, not to get all Graf / Freud  on ya, but our anger typically has zero effect on others and can, if we’re not careful consume us.

Think of someone  that wronged you.  Demoted you, fired you, stood you up, cheated on you, failed you — get a picture in your mind.

Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Now, consciously, overtly — forgive them.  Ask for Divine help, whatever it takes, but just cut.  Them.  Loose.  We are called not to judge, not to hold ourselves as Counselor over others.  We are called to neither be, nor expect others to be, infallible.  So, just — let — them — go.

And now, move on.  Make a difference faster, better, more completely, now that your load is lightened and your focus is clearer.

“You went away and left me long time ago
Now you come back knockin’ on my do’

I hear you knockin’ but you can’t come in
I hear you knockin’, go back where you been

I begged ya not to go but you said goodbye
Now you come back tellin’ all those lies

I hear you knockin’ but you can’t come in
I hear you knockin’, go back where you been!”

–     Lyric from “I Hear You Knockin'” by Fats Domino

Yes, I realize that it may be totally “uncool” to use Fats Domino in a 2014 blog post.

Sue me.  Fats Domino was, is and always will be cool.  Just sayin’…

There are times though, long after we worked so hard to cut some part of us loose — some part that needed to be cut loose, that it comes back, telling’ us all those lies and knockin’ at our door.

It’s ok to hear it knockin’.

But it can’t come in.

The purge, the cleansing, the shedding of old skin for new — it’s all part of the process that got us here.  To today. To where we’re supposed to be.  To where we’re supposed to make a difference.

It’s not that we can’t go back, ’cause we can.  That’s the path of least resistance.  We can always retreat, and it WILL come knockin’ again.

It’s that we shouldn’t go back.

Difference makers won’t.

Read more: Fats Domino – I Hear You Knocking Lyrics | MetroLyrics

“All violence consists of some people forcing others, under threat of suffering or death, to do what they do not want to do.”

–     Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910), Russian philosopher

Jigsaw puzzles.  Pegs and holes.

Business.

Life.

Forcing it rarely works, and when it does, it doesn’t work well for everyone.

That’s not to say that sometimes, we don’t have to force something, but as a general rule, if there is forcing going on, there is, by some definition, violence present — even if the threats aren’t suffering or death — and violence is going to be resisted.

Better to find a way to make someone want to do what you want them to do.

“Any fool can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a daddy.”

–     Philip Whitmore, Sr.

I fear that I’ve been more fool than real man for the last year.

I hope it was corrected, at least a bit, this last week on Spring Break.

And, nothing will test my theory more than jet lag and bedtime and an almost 8-year-old who doesn’t care much for either of them.

Heck, she doesn’t much care for bedtime when she’s in a routine — and she really hates it when she’s “out of whack.”  And, after a week with a 4-5 hour time difference, a 10-hour flight home and a day with nothing to do but kill time, she is out – of – whack.  Big time.

So, what would a difference maker — a real daddy — do?

Try to convince a little princess that bedtime is no big deal?  Try to discipline her in to understanding that everyone else needs their sleep, too, and that she’s not helping that mission?  Try to reason with her that all her theories on why she can’t go to sleep are silly?

Or, simply check on her every few minutes, lay with her, comfort her and just try to be a daddy, at the expense of being a father?

Gotta go upstairs.

“Few things are brought to a successful issue by impetuous desire, but most by calm and prudent forethought.”

–     Thucydides, ancient Greek military leader and historian

Dictionary.com defines “impetuous” as:

Sometimes, clients can take an impetuous turn.  In times of great challenge, conversations with associates may have their “impetuous” moments.  If we were honest with ourselves, we’ve all had our impetuous moments with our spouses, and they with us.

In a typical workday, parts of the definition will serve us and parts that won’t.  How the line between those parts gets drawn is with calm and prudent forethought.

For instance:

Emotion = Good; Impulsive = Not so good.

Sudden Action = Pretty good, if channeled; Rash Action = Bad

Great impetus and force = powerful; violent = Yikes!

Calm and prudent forethought has its beginnings in oxygen.  A quick pace can take away oxygen.  Anxiety takes away oxygen.  Uncertainty literally shallows our breathing…robbing us of oxygen.

Today, find a way to take a couple really deep, cleansing breaths every :15 or so.  It focuses us.  It channels the positive parts and crushes the negative parts.  It’s healthy.  It’s cleansing, and it will allow us to act calmly and prudently, without sacrificing action and force.  It will make a difference.

“Success is only another form of failure if we forget where our priorities should be.”

–     Harry Lloyd, British actor (b. 1983)

So, it takes a 30-year-old actor to set the perspective?

No.

Sometimes it takes a health scare.  A death in the family.  A setback or a crisis.  Sometimes it takes a 2 x 4 to the side of the head to remind us of what we’ve known all along.

The important stuff is always important.

The urgent stuff is almost never important.

And, while there will be other jobs, homes, cars, concerts, flights or golf games, there will likely only be one real family, one real Faith, one real life.

Difference makers find a way to stay on course, more often than not, and they find a way to stray less dramatically and for less time than others.

Difference makers always know the priorities — even if they don’t always honor them, because knowing what they are is the only way we can get back to them.