Be Careful What (And How, And When) You Say

“A tongue has no bone, but it can break a heart, so be careful with your words.  Mean what you mean and say what you.”

–   Nishan Panwar, author and poet

When we assume the mantle of leadership, our words take on different context for those we lead, and perhaps even different meaning, so we best take care.

A friend of mine was promoted to lead the team she had been part of for several years.  She was well suited for leadership, relished the opportunity and loved the team she’d been part of and was now tasked with leading. She was going to be (and today is) a great leader.

Imagine her heartbreak when relationships frayed and team members rebelled against her once she became the “boss.”

A hard worker, she used the late evening and early morning to “catch up” on e-mails, and to dispense lots of “encouragement” and “coaching” to her new team.  Unaware, as most of us can be, that a late night message from a co-worker carries different significance than one from a leader, she was surprised to see morale suffer and engagement on the part of her beloved teammates diminish.

Consider this Dilbert cartoon in this new context.  Ridiculous, right?  Except it’s not.

“Work smarter not harder,” from Zig Ziglar sounds like encouragement.  Coming from a boss, it can mean, “Wow!  You’re dumb!”  That late night or very early morning e-mail can be read as, “I am working at these odd hours, why aren’t you?”

Being literal is better than being heard literally when that is not our intent, so best to err on the side of considering the recipient of the communication more than our intent in sending it.  Including the time we send it.  For example, Google has a standard whereby no manager is supposed to send an e-mail to their team outside normal business hours.  I’m not big Google fan, but I admire the awareness that led to this idea.

As leaders who aspire to make a difference, awareness is an awesome tool!