“Those who really love you don’t mean to hurt you and if they do, you can’t see it in their eyes but it hurts them too.”
― Holly Black (b. 1971), creator of the Spiderwick Chronicles
Some days, the boss is a jerk. Some days a friend is a jerk. Some days a child or spouse is a jerk. And some days, we’re a jerk.
All we can address is reducing the number of days that we’re guilty, but it might also serve us well to have Holly Black’s thought in mind when we think of those whose behavior causes us hurt. And, it’s easier to consider when we understand that bad behavior, no matter how unintentional it might be and no matter how unaware the offender might be of having exhibited it, hurts the offender, too.
If, that is, their intentions are good. If they’re not, then we have to ask ourselves are we working for the right person, with the right person, being the right person — you get the drift.
A long-held tenet of the Daily Difference is that “intent matters more than content.” I believe that is a statement of fact.
Still, if our content is too often in conflict with our intent, then, our methods must need correcting. If we consistently hurt someone we love, we need to get pretty quickly to an understanding of why we keep offending, or, at the very least what their context is and how it causes them to be hurt, or the realization that we don’t love them, after all. If we consistently hurt someone that works for us, we need to get to the real source of the frustration, and proactively, directly and with caring address it.
The first four words of today’s quote are the telling part: “those who really love.” And there is where our focus must be. Because anything that follows will ultimately take us to a decent destination
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