“There is pressure to seem like a grown-up, a particular kind of self-serious grown up.”

• Mark Oppenheimer, in his column in the Wall Street Journal’s Review Section, April 19-20, 2025

After the most serious week on the calendar, let’s lighten things up this week, starting with nicknames.

Oppenheimer (or “Oppy” as he was known as a younger man) waxes romantic about nicknames and their disappearance in these politically correct, overly sensitive times.

Nicknames were the norm for generations. While most notably influenced by military and sports teams, my mother, Patricia, was known as Patty, her father, Loren Stark, was Starky and Williams were often Bills, Jeromes Jerry and so on.

I grew up with Doc, Clunk, Tommy Trojan, Wellsy, LJ, Hutch, Crilly, Can Can, Pig, and I was “Hess.” In college, Yeet Yeet, Swaller, Tuffy, JY, Unk, and Woody joined the mix. In a couple of cases, I had to pause to recall their given names.

Once a sign of affection, closeness, and inclusiveness, Oppy bemoans the loss of the nickname as a sign of the times, leading to the quote above.

What if we’re being too serious, hoping not to offend anyone for any reason at any time? What if real attempts to be respectful limit our connectedness and ability to get under the surface with our workaday relationships? One of my largest Clients ever was “Swi,” a shortened version of his last name, and it’s not a coincidence that he remains a friend even after our paths no longer cross professionally.

I’m not sure the intended application of today’s Diff. I am sure that we can find more fun and reasons to smile in our day-to-day, however, when we quit trying to be so serious, or take ourselves so seriously.

“To one who has Faith no explanation is necessary.  To one without Faith no explanation is possible.”

–      St. Thomas Aquinas

It bears repeating.  To one with Faith no explanation is necessary.  To one without Faith no explanation is possible.

To some degree, in our workaday lives, what we believe dictates what we can accomplish.  In the grander scheme of life, what we Believe (upper case “B”) dictates who we are.

A friend of mine and Brother in Belief suggested the Twitter hashtag “#itisdone” for Easter.  And, he’s right.  It is.

It.  Is.  Done.

No greater gift could ever be given.  No level of appreciation could ever be enough.

Yet we’re not called to appreciate.  And we’re not called to reciprocate.  We’re called to love.  To follow.  To Believe.  To live with the knowledge that with one, incredible, heroic feat borne of love — nothing else matters.

Whether no explanation is necessary or whether no explanation is possible, it is done.

And no greater difference will ever be made.

#itisdone #Heisrisen

Editor’s Note:  This is the 23rd or 24th Good Friday that this Daily Difference has posted.  Some minor variations, but pretty much these words in this order every year.  Upper-and-lower case letters matter in this post. 

“Words create realities in the mind.”

• Roy H. Williams in the March 31, 2025 Monday Morning Memo

Roy is right. He almost always is. So, do we choose words, or the Word?

What words do we consider first, foremost and compellingly?

Look, it’s Holy Week, and The Diff is an unapologetically Faith-based publication. So, concerning yesterday’s post...

We ought to be judged on the questions we ask, rather than the answers we offer. Professional, B2B sales and leadership types are charged with asking, “What do you think?” We’re called to ask, “If no one were watching, what would you do?”

As leaders, we ought to be decisive and discerning on a handful of things that matter. Ethics. Morals. Curiosity, Transparency.

On the rest of the crap, we ought to be ambivalent. We ought to invite our teams into the decision. Our Clients. Our friends. Our families.

Ultimately, about 2008 years ago, we were asked, “What do you Believe?” We were asked, “What do you stand for?” “When no one else is looking, what will you do?”

And in one, incredibly generous act, it was all ok.

We don’t often receive that kind of forgiveness or grace in business. We’re called to offer it, though. Whether in business or otherwise, that’s what is expected of us.

Let’s answer that call.

The Heston Group is closed on Good Friday. It’s the most important three days of the year, after all. For something like 2008-ish years, what started on Thursday night all those years ago was completed on Sunday, and so on and forever…

It is finished. Tomorrow, I’ll repeat the same post I’ve posted for more than twenty years, and I’ll keep it up until I’m done.

Happy Easter. Make it a great week. THE week.

“The most effective leaders aren’t the ones who seem to have all the answers. The most-effective leaders are those who question themselves.”

• Naomi Rothman, Professor and Associate Dean, Lehigh University

In her insightful WSJ article (The Best Leaders Aren’t Decisive. They’re Ambivalent), Ms. Rothman blows up some long-held ideas about how leaders are viewed and, more importantly, how they are selected.

Years ago, a mentor of mine took down an expensive painting of a golden eagle that had always hung above my desk. He replaced it with a standard sheet of printer paper, upon which he’d written in Sharpie, “I don’t know. What do YOU think?”

My career was taking off then, and I’d hired some very talented people. His point was that I was holding them back by having all the answers, and that in the vast majority of cases, they had a good solution in mind when they came to me with a question. “Stop keeping them from understanding how good they are by having all the answers,” he said. “Try having only the ones they need you to have instead.”

In that moment, a difference was made. And not just for me. For Tom, Barry, Pearlie, Todd, Kevin, Tony, Kent, Kyle, Jack, Tate, Ali, and more than a dozen other leaders in my teams from that point forward.

How does one become an ambivalent leader? Rothman suggests acknowledging and pursuing internal conflict and building a new culture by defying traditional views of what leaders look like.

An odd post for THE week?

I don’t know. What do YOU think?

“Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you.”

• Aldous Huxley (1894 – 1963), English writer and philosopher

Let’s start with the business application first. The deal you won? It’s over. Congratulations. What will you do next? The deal you lost? Probably over, also. What will you do next? Cross words spoken to a colleague, or even a Client? What will you do next?

As a coach, I’ve always believed we learn more in a loss than a win. I still hate losing, don’t get me wrong. But learning beats sulking. Any reaction at all beats blaming! (Blame is a loser’s game!) As a leader, my experience is that strategy gives us options for what to do next based on what happened to or with or because of what we just did or didn’t do.

Switching over to THE Week application. Give or take a couple of years, 2008ish years (and five days) ago, what He did next makes what we just did moot. It is finished. The gift is there for the taking. Some awful, hateful, and ultimately fatal things happened to Him, and what He did with them is a gift to all of us that keeps growing the more we pay it forward to those around us.

Faith dictates that we apply the concept to our business and broader lives. Even if we just apply it to our business, it will make a difference. When we live the idea with confidence and commitment across all aspects of our lives, whatever happens to us is a Blessing. What we do with it will Bless others.

“What you are is God’s gift to you; what you do with yourself is your gift to God.”

• Danish proverb

It’s not a week. It’s THE week. That does, however, beg the question, “Even though this week is THE week, why wouldn’t we prepare, execute, live, and act as if every week was THE week?”

“My calendar is wide open,” we might say. “I can coast this week!” Maybe that’s a great plan. Perhaps it’s just the way things worked out. Maybe it’s a lack of planning on our part, or is it possible that it’s a door kicked wide open for us to gaze in and say, “Holy (see what I did there?) cow! I have a pretty open week! How can I use it to make a difference?”

“My three biggest deals are dead, and I have nothing teed up this week,” we might say. A chance to dig in and discover or discern “Why did those deals die?” How can I rebuild my pipeline? Can I save one or more of those dead deals?”

“I made my month (quarter, year) already. I can shut it down for a few weeks!” we might say. At best, that’s sandbagging. At worst, it’s choosing to lose our edge, to let the blade get a little tarnished, and lose our cadence or begin down a path to a self-fulfilling prophecy of a big ol’ slump.

Long-time subscribers already know Friday’s quote and post. If this is your first Daily Difference, I hope this is the week that gets you going with us and staying in the game—or, in the bigger picture, getting in THE GAME.

That said, the business application is real even if you’re not getting or don’t want to get THE week’s theme.

What if we approached every week as THE week? Would it make a difference in our careers, our lives, our relationships with our friends, partners, kids, etc.?

“Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful.”

• Annette Funicello (1942 – 2013), American actress and singer, as quoted in the March 31, 2025 Monday Morning Memo

Searching for good lyrics from “knocking on the door” songs, I whiffed, because while there are great lines from Bob Dylan, Arkells, Wings, they didn’t jibe with the point I want to make today.

Annette Funicello just made the point I want to make today. Wonderful does not equal perfect, nor vice versa.

The tallest ot The Three returned this week for a visit. It’s already wonderful, but neither of us would describe it as perfect. He’s 22, and I was 41 when he was born. I write a daily blog. He once spoke three sentences in one day. He’s gotta watch the stupid cat (Moose, whom I love) and, shocker, wants some time with his buddies, which means we won’t play golf every day. What I think might be perfect could wreck his vacation, and it doesn’t change the fact that this time together is wonderful.

A major engagement for THG is knock, knock, knocking at Heaven’s door. It’s been wonderful and it will be wonderful regardless of how “all in” the Client goes. The way we originally posed it was perfect. For me, maybe. The way we’re going to do it will be wonderful for dang-near everybody.

Perfection is the enemy of good enough. Busy-ness is the enemy of time to think, plan, and ideate. Good enough is a blood relative of wonderful. Wonderful is good enough. If we commit to making our situations more wonderful, it won’t be too long before we notice that they’re getting better, because we are getting better, too.

“I hold that a little rebellion now and then is a good thing, and is as necessary in the political world as storms to the physical.”

• Thomas Jefferson in a letter to James Madison (undated), quoted from a WSJ Editorial by Arthur Herman

In other words, we might be living in a political tornado alley.

The two names dominating political discourse these days are those of our President, Donald Trump, and his DOGE Director, Elon Musk. The Diff is essentially an apolitical blog, so don’t tune out!

Herman cites a book (The Founders Mentality by Zook and Allen) that describes business founders (Musk and Trump are both members of the “club”) as being driven by “bold missions, bias for action, and aversion to bureaucracy.”

The test underway is whether one or some can lead a hugely complex bureaucracy in a risk-taking, rapid-fire decision-making manner that reduces or avoids delegation or (Zook) “anyone or anything that stands in the way of (vision).”

Herman claims, it would seem accurately so, that founders “will inevitably inspire as well as alienate.”

Whether we’re inspired or alienated by the current state of affairs (in our government, jobs, and lives), there’s never been a better time to get actively engaged and find a way to make a difference.

“You’re gonna have to serve somebody.”

• Lyric from “Serve Somebody” by several artists (written by Bob Dylan), and as recently quoted during Lyric Week, and one of the 23 Twelve Greatest Songs of All Time

“God wants to use you to make a difference in the world.”

• Rick Warren, on page 233 of The Purpose Driven Life, a transformational book in Faith circles

I have two big meetings today. Both are financially significant, and more importantly, both offer me even more opportunities to make a difference in the world. A guy I know and respect, and in this case, disagree with, describes the best sales professionals as being “coin-operated.” That ain’t the mindset I’m taking to either meeting.

The best sales pros are curious. They broker in ideas. They solve problems. They seek ways to make a difference, and can often be paid handsomely for their work. But making a ton o’ cash ain’t what we’re called to do. We’re called to make a difference in the world.

Not to go all Jesus on you, and also not apologizing for going all Jesus on you, Warren says a few pages earlier in the book: “We’re created to, saved to, called to, and commanded to serve God.” That’s our Somebody, when we Believe.

Getting lyrical now, if we’re going to serve somebody, let’s decide who and why before we engage. “It may be the devil or it may be the Lord,” are the choices in the song. In the moment, it may be the money, the size of the deal, the reputation we get from winning it, or the “win” in the negotiation. None of those are a somebody (unless our somebody is ourselves – and I don’t think that’s the point of deciding whom we will serve…) And if we make the effort to determine before we engage, let’s remember while we engage.

Created, saved, called, and commanded to make a difference. That’s our contribution. That’s our mission. That’s our vision. Let’s git’r done today!

“Some single mind must be master, else there will be no agreement in anything.”

• Abraham Lincoln quoted in the book Lincoln On Leadership by Donald Phillips

Yet our 16th President was among the most inclusive leaders ever documented. In Team of Rivals, Doris Kearns Goodwin details Lincoln’s intentionality in selecting a cabinet made up of people who opposed his key positions on many topics of the day.

Team of Rivals is easily one of the five best books I’ve ever read, and Lincoln on Leadership occupies a place in my office library, too.

The single mind, the leader, must set the vision and direction. The team must debate multiple ways to “get there.” It was true in the 1860’s. It’s more true than ever today.

Let’s hope some clarity emerges, and someone comes alongside to get us through these times.